Inspirational Speaker & Transformational Life Coach, Dr Sanchita Sharma Thukral explains 5 different mistakes you are making in a relationship and ways to avoid it.
Love just happens, but relationships need work! There is no tried and tested recipe for love and successful relationships. A healthy relationship does not mean the same to everyone since every individual has different needs and expectations from their partner.
However, some of these tips might help you and your partner develop a beautiful relationship.
Care vs Control
Caring is a sign of love. Genuinely caring for your partner would make the other person feel valued, secured, and happy in a relationship. Care is a positive emotion that arises from selflessness and empathy, which helps to connect better with your partner.
On the contrary, control comes from self-centeredness and lack of trust. Transgressing your partner’s boundaries and controlling their activities would feed your insecurity, anger, and lead to more toxicity in the relationship.
There is a fine line between care and control, which makes it difficult to understand the difference between the two. However, do not subjugate your partner’s views, opinions, and actions if you want to blossom the relationship. Respect each other’s disagreements without being finicky.
Dependence vs Independence
Too much dependency on your partner can affect your mental peace as well as self-worth. It can also be overwhelming and a complete turn-off for your partner. However, complete independence can inculcate a sense of care-free attitude within your partner. In any case, the relationship would eventually become bitter.
The best way for couples to maintain harmony in the relationship is by being interdependent. Both individuals can work for each other’s welfare without compromising their values.
Avoid using the word “Should” – It’s a bummer!
Should is an image in our mind of how something or someone needs to be. Statements like, “You should have time for me”, “You shouldn’t have said that”, or “You should have done A and not Z” portrays a non-negotiable expectation in the mind of your partner. Also, the use of the word “should” exhibits negative emotions like anger and guilt.
An emotionally mature individual accepts the fact that we live in a world where people and situations will never be the way we want them to be. So, stop using the word “should”, especially during a serious or stressful conversation.
Criticism Kills the Relationship
Habitual criticism can transform a beautiful relationship into a toxic one. It can erode positive feelings and destroy the connection, which is the foundation of any relationship. Harsh statements such as, “You are so selfish”, “You only think about yourself and not me”, “Can you ever get anything right”, “You are spineless”, etc. can trigger a negative response within your partner’s mind. The most common reactions to criticism are attacked, defend, or shut down.
Instead of being critical, express yourself respectfully. Talk about the issue without judging your partner. Always, start with “I” instead of “You”
Mantra to follow:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the people I can’t change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that It’s me.”
– Inputs shared by Dr Sanchita Sharma Thukral Inspirational Speaker, Transformational Life Coach, and Founder of Growth Alley – Academy of Life
Also Read: Hello Therapist: I am married & feel guilty for getting attracted to a guy in my gym; What should I do?
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