How to Deal Narcissist: A Complete Guide to Narcissist

September 26, 2022
How to Deal Narcissist

How to Deal Narcissist: Before you can disarm a narcissist you must be able recognize when you are in the middle of dealing with them.

I realized I was in a relationship that I was with a narcissist when I divorced him. Before we ended our marriage, I hadn’t seen the connection between my husband’s manipulation, emotional avoidance communication style and lack of empathy. He also had a tendency to put his needs above his own.

Although I felt there must have been a pathological cause for his behavior, I wasn’t sure what it was. Follow centralfallout to get updated.

What does it mean to be a narcissist

How to Deal Narcissist

Today, “narcissists” are used in many ways.

This term is used in casual conversation with family and friends to describe someone they perceive as being selfish, conceited and self-involved. They fear rejection and denial.

The term “narcissistic personality disorder” is used in clinical psychology to refer to someone who has a narcissistic personality condition (NPD). This mental illness is characterised by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, excessive attention, grandiosity, arrogance, and a sense that they are entitled.

Narcissism signs

According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition (DSM-5[1], narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) are “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity in fantasy or behavior, a constant need of admiration and lack of empathy, starting at early adulthood and manifesting in a variety of settings as indicated by five (or more) of nine criteria*:

  • The grandiose logic behind self-importance
  • An obsession with fantasies of unstoppable success, power, brilliance and beauty or idyllic love
  • They believe they are exceptional and extraordinary and should be understood only by other high-status individuals or institutions.
  • Extreme admiration is a must
  • Unfounded entitlement and unrealistic expectations
  • An exploitative pattern in interpersonal relationships where they use others’ benefits for their own gain
  • An inability to empathize and a refusal to recognize the needs or feelings of others.
  • Anger at others or a belief in others’ enviousness.
  • Attitudes and/or behaviors that are egotistical or conceited

Important note: A licensed psychiatrist, clinical psychologist or other qualified mental healthcare professionals can diagnose someone suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder (or any other mental condition)

There are differences between NPD and narcissistic tendencies: How to Deal Narcissist

How to Deal Narcissist: It can be difficult to deal with someone who exhibits narcissistic personality characteristics. However, it is important that you recognize the difference between someone who is narcissistic (narcissism due to a diagnosable mental disorder)[2].

Narcissism can be viewed as a range of severity based on symptoms, from mild to severe. All of us have narcissistic tendencies and traits to a degree.

Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. explains that “What differentiates certain narcissistic behaviors from pathological narcissism is frequency, intensity and duration.” [3] “While some people might display narcissistic traits sometimes and mildly, a pathological person will regularly use destructive narcissistic strategies in order to gain false superiority or exploit relationships.”

How to disarm a narcissist

How to Deal Narcissist: NPD sufferers can’t manage emotions. Understand narcissists’ feelings and thoughts to defeat them. Bullies are narcissists.

“Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving Relationships with Narcissists” author Ramani Durvasula says, “Narcissistic relationships can shake your confidence.” She says they can be smart, charming, and gripping.

Lack of empathy and compassion dulls their charm. They lie and don’t listen well. This harms friendships. Your life won’t improve until your narcissist gets help. Emotional abuse looms. I couldn’t keep my marriage with a narcissist despite my best efforts.

When he didn’t get his way, my husband ignored me. He would assert his right and move to the guest bedroom until I changed my mind. I cried each time, but he showed no empathy or reason.

NPD patients can be charming. They use tricks like love bombing (showering you with compliments) or hoovering (trying to seduce you after treating yourself like dirt) to win your undying affection.

Dr. Durvasula says a narcissist’s hope is the hardest part of a relationship.

Flight attendants remind passengers to secure their own masks before helping others. People usually help family and friends first.

As parents, we must resist the urge to put our child’s safety first.

A rude pilot? None needed. You may ask, “Why save yourself first?” Narcissists see their kids as extensions of themselves, which is bad.

Narcissists think their child will be happy if they are. Parents who consider their child’s needs first organise their own needs around them.

Unarm a narcissist. Charm will fade, but they’ll return. Avoid anger with these steps. Keep your emotions in check and don’t feed their egos. Not speaking disarms them. A Narcissist thrives on praise. Insecurity, decisions, and empathy are their weaknesses.

How to Deal Narcissist:

How to Deal Narcissist

1. Stop interacting with the narcissist: How to Deal Narcissist:

Do not be surprised by a narcissist’s anger when they cut you off. Avoid trying to talk with them and avoid any contact with them.

You can only control what you do, and not their needs. Instead, focus on your needs. It’s okay to feel selfish if you do that. You have lived your life too much about them. It’s about taking care of you.

You may have to keep in touch with your ex-partners if you need to work out details about a divorce or coparenting. If this is the case, limit your conversations to practical matters.

Tip: When they try to get you into a fight, say something like “I understand that you are feeling hurt, angry, and many other powerful emotions right now.” I need to get a resolution on this issue immediately.

A lack of control and fighting is what drives a narcissist crazy.

2. Let them be who they are, and don’t expect them to agree with you or apologise.

A narcissist can’t comprehend that they have done something wrong if you don’t accept it. They won’t care about you hurting them, but they will be worried about losing what little they have.

Even if a narcissist apologizes, they will only say what they think will get them what is best for them. You may feel as though you’re treading water, watching them shift from charming to snake-like and pathetic to you. But don’t let that stop you.

Tip: Allow yourself to take a break whenever you feel the need, but don’t give in to the temptation to do so. This is what you should be saying in your head: It doesn’t matter how they get it. I understand who they are, and it’s not important that I accept them as I am. I won’t allow myself to be treated in this manner.”

3. Remember why they are what they are: How to Deal Narcissist:

You have not done anything that could be considered abusive.

Remind yourself that narcissists behave in this manner because they are wired that way and not because you did anything wrong. While there is no way to know if narcissists are hurting you, some people can recognize when they are.

Tip: If a narcissist tries to gaslight you, it is an abuse tactic that they use to make you believe you are crazy to divert blame. They are merely stating what they believe about me, but it is true because of their lack of empathy or sense of entitlement.

4. Establish and insist upon maintaining clear boundaries.

My situation was similar to mine. My ex-husband did not understand boundaries until the police arrived at his door. You should clearly communicate your boundaries to the narcissist by writing them down and keeping a copy somewhere you can easily access.

If the narcissist is attempting to cross your boundaries (not if), immediately send a written warning and outline the next steps if they do. Send no warning if they do it again and follow the steps that you have outlined.

It is important to never suggest anything you don’t want to do. This is another important aspect that distinguishes someone with a narcissistic personality disorders from someone who has narcissistic tendencies. They will bluff and fool until the house falls down.

Your strength lies in your ability to keep the boundaries you have set and in the speed of the actions that you take. Not against the narcissist but to protect yourself.

Tip: Instead of allowing the narcissist into your home without permission, send them an email stating clearly that you did not give permission for them to enter your property.

Do not allow them to enter your home again without your permission. As soon as possible, call the police.

5. You can eliminate the words “fair” and “I’m sorry” from your vocabulary: How to Deal Narcissist:

We have been taught that life isn’t fair. A narcissist sees fair as a false concept. Fair is about getting what they want. That’s fair. Anything else is unjust and will be retorted at you for something they’ve done.

It is not rational. Don’t try to understand it from your perspective. Accept that it is what it IS.

You should stop thinking of things unfairly or fairly with a narcissist and also stop apologizing. A narcissist will hear you apologize and tell you that you are wrong.

You should not apologize to a narcissist to try to understand them or to make amends. You will only regret it.

Tip: If you feel the need to argue that your relationship was unfair, remember that they are meaningless and that you have the right to move on.

6. Accept the fact that they will not change.

Acceptance does not refer to accepting the bad behavior of a narcissist. It means that sooner you can accept that you cannot change someone with personality disorders, the easier it will be for you to see what your next steps should be.

Tip: If the narcissist tries to charm, gaslight, hoover, guilt you or manipulate you in some way, don’t be surprised if they do.

They would have made the change if it was that simple. They haven’t and won’t.

7. Refrain from trying to outwit or win them: How to Deal Narcissist:

Do not try to outsmart or win their games. You will only fuel their fire.

we are entitled to feel anger and hurt. You must not allow the narcissist to see your emotions. They do not have to or should be able to. However, if you show them any weakness or justification for their abusive behavior towards you it will only make you more miserable.

You can help them down by standing up to a narcissist and feel great about your self-worth.

Tip: If you feel angry at their treatment of you and want to make them hurt again, remember that you are free now and that they will have to live with you forever. This is a sign that you have won.

8. Keep moving.

It is easier to eliminate the behavior that we don’t accept than to reinforce or allow it to continue.

This means that if you want to end the narcissist’s behavior, you need to know in advance what you are willing and unable accept. You can then respond or choose not to reply the same way each time until they become bored and want to move on.

Tip: When the narcissist attempts to explain why they need to return them, say, “I understand that you see things this manner.” They see things differently than I do, and that’s it. It’s exactly the same every time. They might become frustrated, angry, and infuriated but eventually they will grow bored and move on.

It is not easy to do all of the above. It’s not hard to understand. I know it because I live it. It will get easier over time.

How to end a relationship that is dominated by a narcissist

You can’t change a narcissist. You can only protect yourself from the destruction they will inflict on your life.

You’ve decided to end your relationship’s narcissistic abuse. Take a moment to make an exit plan. It may include any or all of these:

1. Find a trusted person you know you can trust.

This could be literal if you are looking for somewhere to stay or metaphorically if your need for emotional support.

Make sure you let them know that you have identified them as such. You may want to leave a bag with your belongings at your home just in case you have to move.

2. Let them know in a clear, unattached, and blameless manner that you are ending the relationship.

You don’t have to be transparent with them. As mentioned, telling them that they are the ones to blame or that they are leaving because you are a narcissist won’t help you.

For a long time, it’s all been about them. This is about you and you’re telling them that the relationship is over.

3. Don’t contact them if you don’t feel the need.

You will never look back if you walk out of this door.

4. Keep in touch with your loved ones if you feel the need. Let them know what you can do and how you can help.

Parenting with a narcissistic partner can be difficult at best and frustrating at worst. After your divorce, the problems you had during your marriage won’t disappear.

My ex-husband should not have expected me to feel empathy during our divorce. But that’s how my brain wired — to think about fairness and justice. My ex was a difficult subject to me. I had to change my expectations and accept his continued attempts to hurt my feelings.

This may sound familiar? Talk to your lawyer or therapist to find out more about your options.

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