After 18 months of meticulous and thoughtful consideration, the Washington Commies National Football League team officially unveiled its new name: The Washington Commanders. According to their Twitter account, there will be no more “get a name” jokes going forward.
Why are they called the Washington Commanders?
Fans refer to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as the “Bucs,” while New England Patriots fans refer to them as the “Pats,” Minnesota Vikings fans call themselves the “Vikes,” and San Francisco 49ers fans refer to themselves simply as “Niners.” So what will the Washington Commanders be known as?
Fans of Washington who weren’t satisfied with the name change quickly pointed out that their team’s obvious nickname should remain: The “Commies.”
In many ways, the name is fitting. At a time when President Biden and congressional Democrats are seeking to insert government into every aspect of our lives with multi-trillion dollar socialist spending plans, Washington’s football team could do no better than be known as “Commies,” especially considering its colors which coincide with those flowered on Soviet and Chinese Communist flags.
Disgruntled fans had a field day on social media. One tweeted: “Nothing symbolized the commies better than a dilapidated stadium, poor leadership and the best years of the franchise left back in the 80s.” Others created their own logos featuring images such as the hammer and sickle and Bernie Sanders’ mittens meme.
Still, others took inspiration from an old fight song: “Hail to the Commies! Hail CCCP! Comrades on the Warpath! Fight for old D.C.”
How could the marketing geniuses behind the name change make such a mistake? According to The Post, 40,000 fan submissions and “thousands” more sent in via snail mail were narrowed down to 1,200 potential names.
A committee consisting of executives from marketing, legal, and fan experience departments worked with digital creative company Code & Theory as well as designers from Nike and the NFL worked to narrow the list down to three finalists who underwent an intensive vetting process that included designing logos, helmets, and uniforms for each finalist which were tested on TV screens crawls with other NFL logos or social media avatars using different avatars created just for them!
Washington Commies & Their Terrible Name
The team better get used to being called the Commies. Even if D.C. doesn’t embrace it, crowds in opposing stadiums will. Just as NFL fans regularly chant “Let’s go, Brandon!” they won’t hesitate if visiting Commanders fans join in with chants of “Commies suck!” If that happens (they were 7-10-0 this season), expect hometown fans to join in the fun as well.
So perhaps the team should embrace their nickname? The possibilities are endless. Daire Carragher of 247 Sports suggested on Twitter that if “the Washington Commies [do] get a really good defensive line… we could call them
The Iron Curtain.” Additionally, Major League Baseball franchise Washington Nationals (a.k.a. “Nats”) feature the “Racing Presidents,” featuring mascots George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt; perhaps the Commies should have “racing dictators,” featuring Mao Zedong, Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, and Fidel Castro racing during halftime (perhaps being chased by Joe McCarthy!).
Of course, there will be challenges. When New England comes to town and the “Patriots” take on the “Commies,” whom should freedom-loving D.C. residents root for? It can be an issue. On the other hand, Communism is currently enjoying a moment in sports – China’s Communist Party is hosting the Winter Olympics after all! So what’s wrong with a little socialist realism on the Potomac?
So, get used to your new moniker, Commanders!
Salute to the Communists!
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