Shibari Hi, Dear All Today I will be sharing a lot of exciting information on the topic of Shibari.
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Shibari – Japanese rope tied
One will be using the time in self-isolation to learn a new hobby, like making bread, puzzling tying the partner up with intricate Japanese bondage. Whether one has always into playing with a measure or one is just starting to learn the ropes. Learning how to practice Shibari can tie up all your lusty loose ends.
Netflix’s latest reality drama, Too Hot to Handle, even featured Shibari, “a technique used to improve intimacy and trust in relationships.” While the contestants are shown with fancy bondage materials and get to work with a professional Shibari instructor, experts say it’s possible to explore Shibari without breaking the bank or even leaving your house.
To spill the tethered tea, I spoke with Shibari artist Kitty Killin, Lazarus Redmayne of TheDuchy, and Rev. Lucifer, founder of Reiki Bondage, about Shibari, bondage, and getting a little knotty while social distancing.
What is Shibari?
According to Killin, Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is a form of Japanese artistic rope bondage. “The word translates to ‘to tie’ or ‘to bind’ and refers to intricate and beautiful knots and patterns used to restrain and give sensation to the body,” Killin says.
Redmayne adds that the term “Shibari” has become interchangeable with general “rope bondage,” though they are not synonymous in modern usage. “To practitioners, Shibari is just one of several styles and types [of rope bondage],” Redmayne says.
Why practice Shibari?
Suppose one has ever played with handcuffs or loves to get pin down. Then one may already know that one likes to play with restraints or power dynamics. But, as Lucifer says, Shibari will offer a sense of giving up and building trust with a partner intimately and artistically.
“Come enjoy the art and beauty of the rope and its placement on the body; others enjoy the intimate connection between partners,” Lucifer says. “And some are more into sadistic/masochistic elements and use it as an outlet to give or receive pain as part of a BDSM practice.”
Killin adds that you can use a rope to restrain yourself or a partner, create sensations, and explore new sex positions.
However, it’s important to note that Shibari isn’t strictly sexual. Killin says that tying someone up (or getting tied up) can build an intimate connection between partners.
“Shibari is a tool to learn about your partner’s body, to build trust between you and your partner, and to discover new and exciting intimacy,” Killin says. “You’ll learn what feels good and what doesn’t.”
What are Shibari’s biggest misconceptions?
There is no “type” of person that practices rope bondage. “The images of scary dungeons and nasty people that you sometimes see in movies don’t play out,” Redmayne says. “Most people in it are just regular people like you and me, that happen to have an esoteric interest.”
Additionally, Redmayne notes that people generally overestimate the difficulty or time needed to start getting into Shibari. “There are simple things that you can learn in an afternoon that look gorgeous,” Redmayne “The ‘Hishi Karada that is “Rope Dress” and the ‘Star that is Pentagram Harness’ both are good examples.”
For Killing, the biggest view on Shibari is that it is all sexy all the time. “Can use the rope to spice things up in the bedroom. But it is not only that, “When I self-tie, my rope is a means for meditation. When I build installations, the rope is my medium; when I perform, the rope is my purpose.”
What are some basic Shibari terms?
The “Rigger” or “Rope Top” is the person doing the tying, where the “Bunny” or “Rope Bottom” is the person being tied up. In traditional Shibari, Killin attests that a rope is folded in half at the middle creating a loop or “bight” at one end and the “tail” or “working end” at the other. A “self-tie” is when someone ties themselves up, and a “floor tie” is ropework done exclusively on the floor.
Rucifer adds that “tension” is what creates tautness in the rope to give a sensation of bondage and restraint, and “reverse tension” comes from changing the direction of the string while still restricting someone.
According to Redmayne, “Single column tie” means doing a decorative knot on one body part: a wrist, ankle, leg, waist, etc. Whereas “Double column” means tying two things together. Wrists to the wrist, ankle to ankle, ankle to thigh, ankle to wrist, etc.”
What should one consider before starting?
Because practicing Shibari will put one at risk for bodily harm and nerve damage. Redmayne suggests taking an intro to rope bondage course. One will also lecture at rope stipulating or find local classes or meetups on FetLife. TheDuchy or Shibari Study will be a great way to learn as well.
Additionally, it is essential to get in tune with the limits before getting started. “Beginners should have an understanding of the risks connected with the practice. For example, how to prevent harm with yourself or partner,” Rucifer says.
From establishing the length of time that one wants to ties up to listing the positions, one is not ok with forming a safe word. However, setting up some pre-Shibari structure will help one to stay secure in the practice.
What do I need to practice Shibari at home?
Before getting into Shibari, it’s imperative to check in with yourself and your partners about comfort levels and consent. Redmayne says practicing Shibari is all about support, responsibility, and risk-aware consensual kink or “R.A.C.K.”
“Open communication on people’s desires, limits, safety, and emotional health is an expecting one. Unfortunately, the routine part of conversations in the kink world,” Redmayne says.
One will want strong rope with a very little stretch, but one will get started with strings from the local hardware store. A nice 1/4′ that is a 6mm cotton solid braid sash cord. In addition to having a good rope, the experts share the importance of having a safe cutting tool. Redmayne and Killin suggest getting a set of real E.M.T. shears that are not just bondage or fabric scissors. It can cut through rope instantly if someone is hurt or wants to stop a scene without being untied.
If you’re feeling nervous or sheepish about your partner watching you fumble with your knots, giving the person you’re tying a blindfold may help you both get in the moment.
I got my rope and shears, now what?
No matter your skill level, all the experts suggest looking at online Shibari tutorials and connecting with other rope enthusiasts to get inspiration and learn more about the practice. Rucifer shares that beginners frequently start by practicing with single ties like the Somerville Bowline. Then learn additional knots, like the half-hitch, full-hitch, or crossing hitch, and Futumomo, an upper thigh to calf tie.
Although one may be exciting to do some multi-player knot tying, start practicing with solo-tying. “As one practice on yourself, one will feel more comfortable as one should start exploring with a partner. It will be able to communicate better and navigate the experience,” Rucifer says.
Whether one should take a ropes course or try to follow a video, learning Shibari takes practice and patience as long as one is doing what feels right for one and the partners. Shibari is all about getting creative and finding the knots that work for one.
Killin also shares that while Shibari may look intimidating, it is a fairly accessible practice. “Anyone can do it,” Killin says. “Shibari is customizable; any tie will craft to fit the needs of any body type, any range of mobility, or any particular requirements.”
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